When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
