hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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