It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
