I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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