heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I forget how to act sober
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize