She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
