That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
