walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
