I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
