weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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