and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
