insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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