I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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