I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
