If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
