Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
