I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
