she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
