so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he just fucked me for my cheese.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
