Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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