I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
