i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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