I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
