Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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