If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she smelled like a LAN party
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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