This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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