She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
