There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
