i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
