someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
