I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
