i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
