She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He shit in the fireplace
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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