That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
