You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
