I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
