ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
