i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize