Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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