Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
