There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
