i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
