Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
