i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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