Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
