So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
