please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
