When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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