and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
