I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
