I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
