We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Your dad touched me again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
