Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
