I puked a lego.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
