Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
