i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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