Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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