Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize