she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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