You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
