I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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