So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
