I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
