maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
