you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
