She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
