did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
