Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
