Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
