He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
