That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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