Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
