My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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