the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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