shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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