so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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