zippers are such a cool invention
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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