Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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