I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
