Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
