So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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