I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
