I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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