Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
