just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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