omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
