No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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