are you so shy because you have an std?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
