and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
